How An Average Romance Does Not Work
by BitterAzure
Summary: Kanda and Allen just being idiots, as always. And a little bit of the almighty Head Nurse. (awkwardness/ no beta/ me not being a native/ no specific timeline/ mature content/ cursing - warnings apply to the entire fic as a whole)
1. Chapter 1

a/n: Suddenly, I've written a fic. I planned it to be short, but it seems my intentions don't really matter, because it's not even a one-shot. Don't expect anything with a sophisticated plot or something. It came to life just because I wanted to test myself whether I can write in English or not. Hope I didn't fuck it up too much. Posting on the St. Valentine's Day, because why not.

(No OOC intended (maybe besides Lena, a bit), if it's there, it's just my lack of writing abilities. It's my first fic in English – as I'm not a native – and first Yullen, AreKan, Allen/Kanda/Allen or however you want to call it. So cheer on me, I'll hopefully get better at it someday.)

Oh, and I suck at tittles so I've got this pretty general one. Too bad.

#$%

"It's all your fault, you moron!", Kanda hissed angrily as they entered the library, all the while trying to be as quiet and non-attention-drawing, as possible.

"What do you mean it's _my _fault? You wanted to get out of there just as much as I did! Don't you blame everything on me now! It definitely wasn't me who knocked out that Finder who tried to tell on us!", Allen bit back, clenching his fists in anger, the politeness he always tried to maintain having slipped away quite a while ago. The insufferable bastard did that to him, he was just such an ass.

"_You _did the lock picking. It's almost a fucking _definition_ of getting away", the long haired man's expression downright screamed hostility.

As they were going through labyrinth-like aisles between the bookcases, all swift and stealthy, they didn't seem to notice how their bickering made all the discreetness go to hell. Some Finders and scientists' assistants, peacefully reading books at the tables scattered around the whole enormous place, shoot them glares for disturbing. None of them spoke up though. There wasn't a person in the whole Order who wouldn't be aware of how suicidal it would be to start a fight with those two idiots.

"Well, you clearly use a dictionary the wrong way. Not that it surprises me with a brain like yours".

They were gradually moving towards the back end of the area. More specifically, the part of it which was usually unoccupied. It was rare for anyone to have any business there since tomes stored in that section were written in rather unpopular languages amongst the HQ people, some of them were even ciphered somehow and not many besides Lavi or the Bookman could find there something of interests.

"And you _clearly_ have a dead wish, Beansprout."

They were kind of on the run and even if the pure evil they were trying to escape from wasn't after them yet, it really was a matter of time.

"It's Allen, JerKanda!" was an immediate response, but it was more automatic than anything since the albino wasn't even concentrated on the conversation anymore. By now he was trying to locate any hiding spot that would seem good enough. All their previous experiences similar to this one had them knowing that the opponent they were facing was a tough one. It wasn't such a simple thing to flee and not get found.

"Whatever. Do you really even know where are we going? Or got lost again?", Kanda was so pissed off he was ready to resort to violence at any given moment. In fact, he probably would have done so already if it wasn't for their situation. Ruckus wouldn't really be beneficial.

"Shut up. And what do you mean where are we going? At the back, I thought it was clear enough."

"And that was your brilliant idea? It's plain idiotic", long hair tickled a pale cheek and Kanda shoved them away impatiently. Gods, how he hated having his hair down. It was such a pain.

"What's your problem? It's obvious she wouldn't look for us in a library. I mean, just imagining you with a book is quite distur...", unfortunately Allen wasn't given a chance to finish his sentence, because they suddenly heard something that made them both break into goosebumps.

"Mr. Walker, Mr. Kanda, I know you are both here somewhere!" Still somewhat distant voice of the angry Head Nurse echoed in the library. Which was, of course, a place where one should keep quiet, but no one was brave enough to reprimand the stern woman, apparently. Allen cringed internally, feeling slightly guilty for his feigned confidence.

"You fucking said something just now?", Kanda all but barked at him and Allen just made a sour face. There was no time to throw insults at each other.

They were currently just few meters away from the last row of bookshelves and the younger of the two was now, expertly concealing his panic, desperately looking for _anything_ that could help them. He really didn't want to go back to the infirmary. Being there was making him feel useless, being so immobile wasn't good for his sanity. And he had more than a few problems with being in the same room as Kanda all the time. Some of them were more than a bit embarrassing, but it wasn't a time to dwell on that now.

"Kanda!", he bumped the other exorcist with his elbow and pointed at what he had just noticed in the corner of the room. There was a set of particularly tall bookcases that – as the ceiling in the room was diagonally going down at the edges – were impossible to fit right against the wall. It created a pretty wide space behind them. They were quite massive, too, so the crack was long enough for its end to be completely shadowed. He and Kanda were slim enough to easily fit in there and that's exactly what Allen intended them to do as he moved in that direction, but his companion didn't seem to get his intentions. That was what he have read from his blank expression at least. "Get in there!", Allen couldn't have made it more clear as he almost shoved him at the shelf. Something that looked like murderous intent flashed in Kanda's eyes at that but, cursing under his breath, he complied. Although grudgingly.

He gracefully slid into the space, Allen swiftly following behind. The swordsman somehow had a bad feeling about this, but for an embarrassing enough reason that there was no way for him to voice his concerns.

And then that happened.

"Kanda, damn, light's reaching me, she'll notice me like that!", Allen exclaimed in a hushed tone, now clearly losing his shit, and Kanda suddenly saw a thousand different ways this situation could go horribly wrong from that point.

"Not my problem, dumb fuck, go hide somewhere else!", he spat, all but praying for Allen not to get any stupid ideas.

"There is no _time_!"

As if to confirm those words, they suddenly heard a "There is no use hiding, young men!", significantly closer than before. Allen released a pitiful whine, suddenly trying to lean on Kanda with his whole body. As Kanda was facing the wall with his back, and Allen with his front, it was quite efficient, but still not enough. Without as much as a warning, the albino flattened his body against the bookshelf and proceeded to move where Kanda was. And while the crack was wide enough for one person to be quite comfortable in, fitting two people at once seemed plain impossible.

"The fuck are you doing!", Kanda growled, probably the worst scenario of all coming to live right then and there.

"Shut your face, if she sees me, you're doomed, too!" That kind of silenced Kanda, but not really, since it did nothing to stop the string of curses he muttered under his breath. Allen's body pressed against his, moving further into the space. Asian man's furious whispering only intensified when a thigh rubbed against his groin and in the next moment – there they were. Pressed impossibly close against each other, face to face, breathing shared air.

"It was a stupid idea" Kanda commented, really just to distract himself from the feel of warm, nicely muscled body crushing his. He was pretty sure he was flushed, even if just a little.

"Well, if you had a better one, you should have just..." Allen stiffened suddenly, hearing clacking of high heels nearing them. He immediately slammed his two palms against his own and his partner in crime's mouth, trying to force them both to not even breathe.

If Kanda didn't think resisting, meaning struggling, meaning _rubbing _was a really bad idea, he definitely would have done so. As it was, he could only stare at Allen's face, his eyes already quite used to the lack of light. He seriously hoped the idiot was too focused on the inferior footsteps to feel how hot Kanda's face was beneath his hand. It certainly seemed so, fortunately.

Kanda himself had difficulties to even begin to comprehend how they ended up in this situation. Right now he really had other problems, _worse _problems. Like, for example, blocked mouth. Which made him breathe through his nose, this way forcing him to inhale the scent of his companion. He enjoyed it far too much to be comfortable, if his racing heartbeat was any indication. He barely registered the Head Nurse in his peripheral vision, more concentrated on Allen. Specifically on how he, probably out of sheer horror, used one of his hands to grab his hip and, pulling Kanda with him, tried to quite literally blend them both with the corner. And, _of course_, he had to make the mistake of using the hand he silenced _himself_ with for that. Which made swordsman's situation all the more difficult. Happily chanting '_fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_' inside his head, the man tried with all his might _not to_ notice the hot, quickened in terror breath on his neck. It definitely wasn't his day. He shut his eyes tightly and not-so-subtly banged the back of his head against the wall, begging his body not to react the worst way possible. At the exact same moment he did that, Allen released a breath of relief, body noticeably relaxing. His head dropped a little, too. And, thanks to the position they were in, it was as good as plain resting his forehead on Kanda's shoulder. It was no wonder that in such circumstances Allen misinterpreted the other's panicked attempts to calm himself as a reaction of reprieve as well. Kanda wasn't sure if it was a good thing.

"She didn't notice", Allen breathed, laughing airily.

Of course he didn't know how much of a sucker Kanda was for the sound of his constantly hoarse voice. Otherwise he surely would have thought twice before speaking up. Especially with his mouth right below his ear. And, just for the record, the weight of Allen's head on his shoulder wasn't helping him _at all_. At this point, Kanda was determined to pretend he didn't exist. Non-existent people didn't have boners after all. Well, okay, he didn't have one either, _yet_, but it was really a matter of time if he didn't get out of this position. Quick. Too bad it was kind of too late – Allen was calming down and he could notice how fucking weird Kanda was acting anytime now. And even knowing that, there wasn't much he could do.

"We-well. It worked!", the albino stuttered awkwardly, finally registering how suggestive their position was and how it could easily be interpreted the wrong way if someone was to see them. Kanda really didn't need any second-hand embarrassment to be added to his own. 'Fucking great', Kanda thought, 'way to make it worse'.

And then, something about the swordsman's face must have alarmed Allen, finally, because he switched to his good-Samaritan mode.

"Kanda?", he asked in an uncertain voice. He raised his head back already, which was good, and took his hand away from Kanda's face, which was not so much. He felt like he was burning up, and he wouldn't be surprised if he actually breathed fire. A person at fault for his state was currently burning holes in his skull with the intensity of his _worried_ gaze. Kanda didn't even have to open his eyes to see that look, it was quite evident in his voice. He did it anyway, just to prove himself right.

"Are you okay? You don't have to be so tense, she's gone now" Silver eyes were watching him with unwavering concern.

'Yeah, but _you _aren't, fucker', Kanda thought angrily, but said nothing, not really trusting his voice not to sound horny.

"Hey, your breathing is heavy. Say something, Kanda, you're kind of freaking me out."

Kanda had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. 'Just wait till you get what's going on', he thought ironically.

When Allen raised his hand to reach his face again, probably to check his temperature or some other unnecessary shit, Kanda swatted it away and snarled angrily. He decided that, looking to be running away or not, he just had to get the hell out of there.

"Everything is fine and it's not even your business, Sprout", he growled, voice sounding as innocent, as saying 'fuck me hard' would be. He internally cursed at that. There was a tiny bit of curiosity inside him, whether Allen caught on or not, but he decided founding out wasn't worth the possible humiliation. One blink from Allen and Kanda was already sliding away, before the albino could even say a word. Once he was out, Kanda – face scowling, dick half-hard – walked away as quickly as his dignity would allow him.

'_Fuck_', he thought.

#$%

"Uh, sorry, Lenalee. What you were saying?", Allen caught himself drifting off in a middle of a conversation again. It was starting to be a quite standard behaviour for him lately. Lenalee seemed to mind. A lot. Even his apologetic smile wasn't helping him much.

"You're doing it again. You could at least tell me what's going on, you know. I deserve that much for being ignored all the time", she crossed her arms, giving up on eating at the moment for sake of showing off her disapproval, cutlery resting against her plate.

"I don't ignore you. It's just that I'm tired and...", he lied smoothly, but she shot him a sharp look, making him give up. Sighing, he spoke up again, all attention directed towards his cup of tea. "Sorry, but I don't really want to talk about it.", he said resignedly.

She shook her head with a small smile, going back to eating. "It's about Kanda, isn't it?".

That made Allen go stiff self-consciously, eyes widening, cheeks a dusty pink. "Kanda? Why do you...?", he tried to feign a surprised kind of curiosity, but failed miserably, and he didn't need Lenalee making a comment to know that. His lying abilities were useless around her for quite some time now, he always let his guard down, even if not consciously intending to. Every fake word he said came off half-assed enough for her to catch on.

"Oh Allen, don't even try. I see what's going on. Women know these things", she giggled a little and he just went right back to staring at his tea.

"Well, I... still don't want to talk about it", he murmured, not daring to look her in the eye.

"Oh come _on_, look at yourself. It's not like you at all to be so down. And you have barely eaten today, I'm worried." She reached to him, covering his hand with hers and sending him a warm, encouraging smile.

He looked at her tentatively and then glanced at his already emptied dishes. She was right, the pile had only about one meter and a half today. It was as good as nothing. And it was a dinner, too. The meal during which he always indulged himself the most. He sighed again.

The truth was that Kanda has been clearly avoiding him for over a week now. Once upon a time he probably wouldn't mind it much, nor be surprised about it. It was different now though. He could have sworn that he and Kanda were really getting along for the last couple of months. Or as much as it was possible for them anyway. And now this. For no apparent reason, too. Allen couldn't help, but feel a little hurt. He refused to admit that he sulked, but Lenalee has just proven that nobody was asking for his opinion in that matter.

"Okay, okay. Fine. Just... don't tell Lavi. Please.", he gave up, deciding that maybe lifting some weight off of his shoulders may be nice after all. But, no matter how desperate he was, telling Lavi was out of question. Just imagining his teasing made Allen feel sick.

"I obviously won't tell him, Allen", she reassured him in a tone that suggested she has never even thought about such a thing. Allen let out a relieved exhale. "It wouldn't make any sense since he was the one to notice it first", she quirked a little devious smile and Allen wanted to die. And ask Lenalee what's wrong with her, too. He didn't know her for emotionally torturing her friends. Maybe Lavi was rubbing off on her, the two _did_ spent their time together more often than not. He just thanked all gods known to him that the redhead was away on a mission. Combo of them both would be lethal.

Then, a little detail alarmed Allen suddenly.

"Wait... what do you mean by 'it' exactly?" He had a bad feeling about this. The Bookman Junior was absent for about half a month now, there was no way he could notice Allen's foul mood if he wasn't even there.

"Well, your crush on Kanda of course", she smiled brightly, all good-natured and innocent .

Allen blinked at her a few times, a cup stilled halfway to his mouth. And then he understood what she meant exactly, his cheeks feeling warm.

"A... crush?", he repeated weakly, the word unfamiliar on his tongue.

Somehow, he never bothered to try and name his feelings for Kanda. He just knew for sure that at some point all things the swordsman did or said suddenly became insanely important. And, well, he paid attention to his body, too. All the time really. He remembered that he told himself it's a perfectly normal thing at first. Who would be able to _not_ look at such a perfectly chiselled silhouette like that? It was about when he found himself thinking about that long, silky hair and that perfect, angular face and that delicious, firm ass with nothing less than a hand in his pants – and on a daily basis, too – that he thought that maybe, _probably_ something was off. As attractive as Kanda undoubtedly was, it was admittedly a bit too extreme to think the whole Order masturbated to the images of him. It would be quite, uh, disturbing. Yeah. So Allen was a bit more into Kanda than an average, sure. But a crush?

"Isn't it?", she cocked her head to the side a bit.

Allen thought about it, furrowing his eyebrows. It was surprisingly easy to admit and accept having a crush on Kanda. He even almost smiled, because it was actually nice, in some sense, to have a name for it. Almost, because then, suddenly, he imagined the swordsman's reaction to such a sappy word being used while talking about or addressing him. Well, damn. But it wasn't like he intended to make a move on him anyway, he didn't want to die just yet.

"It... is, I guess", looking at how satisfied with his answer Lenalee was, he finally noticed something was wrong with the flow of this conversation. "How exactly did we get from Kanda avoiding me to my... crush?", he still hesitated on the word.

"Oh? Kanda's avoiding you?", she raised her eyebrows, obviously surprised.

"That's why I'm, uh, not cheery lately. Wasn't that what you noticed?", he asked, disoriented.

"Oh. _Oh._ I'm sorry, no, I thought you were just lovesick", she laughed shortly and Allen stiffened again, the sudden L word like a hit to his face. His cheeks were burning now. "There, there, no need to be so embarrassed." A giggle. She was enjoying it far too much. Maybe Lavi wouldn't be much worse after all. But she was at least discreet enough not to draw the whole cafeteria's attention to them. That was definitely a plus. "So? Why is he avoiding you?"

"I don't know. That's the whole point. I last saw him when we were running away from... I mean, at the infirmary and then nothing." Unfortunately, he corrected himself one second too late.

"You ran away _again_? Allen, do you realise you both can hurt yourselves beyond repair one of these times? There's really a reason the Head Nurse always tells you guys to stay longer than she would have to anyone else since the first thing you do after you're out is _train_! And you have to know that if I were her, I'd just lock you up!"

Allen didn't bother to tell her that the woman, in fact, _does_ lock them up. It's just not working very well. As she ranted on, he did his best to look bashful and internally let out a relieved sigh. It was a nice topic change, really. And while berating was still bothersome, it was definitely not as much as her I-don't-have-any-girl-best-friend-so-let's-talk-about-girly-stuff-with-my-gay-friend-ing. And it was something he was definitely more used to. All in all, the conversation with Lenalee haven't helped him any, in fact, only adding a few more problems to the pile.

And as for Kanda, he still only knew one thing. Since the library episode the man didn't as much as look at him. It was only logical to assume Allen did or said something to anger – or offend, or upset maybe, with Kanda it was hard to tell – the swordsman. He just had to figure out what exactly. There was a problem with that though, because Allen himself still marvelled at how he didn't do anything stupid that day. Even if being mashed impossibly close against that indescribably dazzling body was a situation more than encouraging to do just that.

He guessed he was simply too focused on how he didn't want the Head Nurse to catch them. If she caught them before she calmed down she could decide to never put them in the same room again or something. It would really be a shame since being in the hospital wing with Kanda was one of these rare occasions when he got see the man with his hair down, which was _important_.

Anyway, there was a moment when he realized the position they were in and was close to breaking into internal panic because of that, but then he noticed there was something wrong with Kanda and was successfully distracted once again. Then the man just left. That's all. And before they got behind the bookcase it was just their usual bickering, so there. Nothing abnormal.

Allen was starting to think the only thing that happened was just his bad luck.

#$%

Two days later, Allen found himself in Komui's office. With Kanda, of all people. They both sat on the loveseat in front of the desk, one as far from the other as it was only possible. The tension was almost visible in the air. Allen could be hurt and sad, sure, but the lone sight of Kanda made him mad at the man – for making him feel such ridiculous things. That's just how it worked.

The supervisor was debriefing them on their next mission and if them both being send on a mission together again – just when they finished hospitalization after their previous one – wasn't weird enough, their current assigned task sounded unbelievably easy. And it was just a few hours away from the Headquarters, too. It seemed to Allen that Lenalee had something to do with that. Komui being her sister complex brother and all, it probably wasn't hard for her to arrange something like that. Just thinking about that, and being fully aware it was to help him with his _crush_ on Kanda, made Allen unable to sit still.

As Komui explained the details, he tried to erase the swordsman's existence with sheer power of his mind. Without looking at him of course. Because occasional glances at his muscled arms, and exposed, strained neck, and gorgeous profile didn't count. Most definitely didn't count.

The not-looking at Kanda left him knowing close to nothing about the mission as they both hurriedly existed the office. Departure was set in half an hour. They had to immediately change, pack their things and appear at the underground water path, where their gondola would await them.

The last thing Allen saw before he went down the stone stairs, leading to where Kanda was already waiting, was a somewhat distant figure of Lenalee, waving at him cheerily before giving a very meaningful thumbs up. He resisted the urge to slap his hand against his forehead.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: Heeeeeey. This chapter took me longer to write than I thought it would. Truth be told, I had to rewrite about a half of it because it plain sucked. So yeah. Anyway, enjoy.

#$%

Avoiding Allen was one thing, but ignoring and treating him like air was the other and apparently something Kanda wasn't able to do. And no, not in the good sense. Namely, it only took the younger male speaking up, just once, for them to start fighting again. It wasn't just their normal bickering, too. The words were somehow more hostile, even though it could seem impossible, and the whole thing did nothing to relieve the tension between them. It felt like they were truly cross with each other or something. Which didn't make sense at all since they never really liked each other in the first place, right? Right. Well, or at least they behaved like they didn't.

They were back to trying not to notice each other as soon as they were sitting in their train compartment. The ride took about three hours and none spoke up during that time.

Being fully aware that the Finders always sit just outside the door and hear everything that's going on inside, Allen usually made a small talk. He was aware that it irritated some people – Kanda – to no end, but it was a self-imposed mission of sorts. He knew that a part of Order members, and – thanks to a certain _someone_ – especially Finders, didn't really have a good opinion about Exorcists. They had everyone's respect, sure, but it came with a price. Allen thought that they were a _little bit_ too much feared of. And, while he knew that the bastard probably enjoyed it, he himself did not so much. That's why he tried to change it, even if just a little. Making people comfortable around him by engaging them in pleasant conversations was a good start.

This time, however, their Finder wasn't with them yet. He was supposed to await them at the destination. Of course Allen wasn't really in a mood for talking anyway, so it was probably just for the best.

However, after not-so-discretely watching Kanda impassively look outside the window for quite some time, Allen got fed up with silence. Deciding he was going to suffocate soon, he got up and left the compartment without as much as one word. For a lack of a better idea, he went to the dining car, planning to try and eat everything they could give him there. It wasn't even that he was hungry much. He just needed something to busy himself with and eating _did_ always seem like a good idea.

He joined Kanda back only when it was about time to get off. For which he earned a glare, but pretended not to notice it.

They quickly left the train once it stopped and were soon greeted by a sight of Tohma, who stood in a distance, obviously waiting for them.

"Good morning, Tohma", Allen was the first to speak up when they got close enough for the Finder to hear. With a pleasant smile, he weaved his hand a little. Not that food improved his mood that much, but he was adamant on showing Kanda how immensely _happy_ he was with them not talking to each other. Besides, he could never be in a foul mood enough to stop being polite. With one exception of dealing with Kanda, obviously.

"Greetings, Master Walker", the man answered in his characteristically even, monotonous voice. "I'm afraid we don't have any time for pleasantries. The Akuma are nearing inhabited area and our barriers are reaching their limits", he reported dutifully.

"Why the fuck you're not showing the way yet, then?", Kanda snarled and shoved him to the side, angrily stomping away. And apparently not really caring he had no clue where to go.

Allen didn't roll his eyes only because of Tohma's presence.

"Let's get going then, shall we?", he suggested, smiling good-naturedly.

Tohma, used to the two and their weird ways as he was, responded only with a quick nod.

#$%

They have dealt with the danger swiftly.

It was one of those boring missions when there wasn't really any Innocence involved. Those Akuma were ordered to simply distract exorcists; make them go to one place, when they really should be somewhere else. But it had to be taken care of nonetheless. Lack of the Innocence wasn't making the lives of the civilians less important. It was what Allen thought anyway. He guessed his companion didn't exactly share his opinion.

Right after they were done, some rookie Finders hurried to thank them, tears of relief welling in their eyes. The British boy assured them that they had their part in the success while the swordsman merely scoffed, muttering something that sounded like 'pathetic' under his breath. Then, without further commentary, he turned around and stalked away.

Allen preferred not to dwell on how he has had to apologise for his behaviour and focused on how lucky they were to have the return train soon instead. It was scheduled to leave in less than two hours after when they were done with their job. He never would have thought it was even possible for a mission to end on the same day it started, but he guessed it _was _an easy one, so it probably wasn't all that weird.

The train was supposed to arrive any moment now, but, luckily, they were already nearing the station. And all would have been pretty much perfect if not for the still-present silence between them. It was unnerving, ringing in Allen's ears, making him willing to do just _anything_ to break it. And yes, he _did_ consider carrying on with the silent conflict they had going, but, frankly, he had had enough. Not talking to Kanda was only making him feel worse. And it's not like he could make him apologise by giving him a silent treatment or something. Plus he wasn't even sure what it was that the swordsman should apologise for anymore. It didn't mean he wasn't mad though. Because he was, very much so. But when he looked at Kanda, his arms crossed, brows furrowed and lips pressed together into a thin line, he couldn't help a little smile creeping onto his face – he was such a grump. In that moment, Allen thought that maybe he could be the wise one here, there was surely no need to keep acting so childish.

That being decided, the younger exorcist knew exactly what he had to do. There was only about one way he knew how to make the irritable man unwind. Even if just a little.

"You really shouldn't treat them like that, Kanda", he started. As predicted, the man immediately stopped walking for a second, snapping his head around to shoot him a glare. He could never ignore when someone tried to tell him what he should and shouldn't do while being in no position to.

"What?", he asked, irritated.

"I _said_, you think they're useless, but the Order wouldn't be able to do much without Finders. So you shouldn't treat them like you did today", Allen clarified, with all his might trying not to show signs of amusement. Kanda was so ridiculously easy to provoke.

"Why do you care? They usually don't even live long enough to see if their mission succeeded or not. There's no point being _nice_", Kanda scoffed, stressing the last word in obvious distaste. All the while he was not-so-tactfully making his way through the crowd as they approached the platform, Allen following right behind.

"That's not true and you know it. There weren't any casualties today, for instance. Plus Tohma was our Finder more than a few times already. It's not like they all die so quickly", he pointed out. The truth was he gave up on changing Kanda's opinion in that matter a long time ago. He just wanted them to fight, blow off some steam and be back to normal. The swordsman didn't have to know that though.

"If you call that joke today a _mission_, then you're no better than they are, Beansprout", having said that, Kanda stopped walking, apparently deciding he has just found a place where they were going to wait. He then turned around to partially face Allen, sending him a look of disdain out of the corner of his eye. "And who the fuck is Tohma?"

Allen just sighed at the question, grumbling "my name is Allen" under his breath. And before he could add anything else, noise of the train coming was already piercing the air, making any further conversation impossible at the moment. As the machine stopped and people started chaotically boarding it, the two exorcists just waited patiently. There was always a place for them anyway. And so, barely a few moments later, Allen was already sliding the door to a private compartment shut, mind set on carrying on with their little discussion.

"By the way, you could give up on that name-calling already, you know", he said with a sour face as he sat down right in front of his companion. "You said you'll stop after a month and it's been far more than that if you haven't noticed."

"I don't remember saying a bullshit like that", Kanda scowled and crossed his arms, remembering perfectly.

"Well, I can't disagree that all you spew is nonsense, but you really said so. In Matel. On our first mission. When _Tohma_ was with us, by the way".

Kanda grit his teeth. Did the idiot really intend to continue with that ridiculous Finder topic? Was it all he could worry about? Because Kanda's problems were more significant than that. Like for example his time wasted for a useless mission when he should be doing other things. Such as hiding away from one Allen Walker and pretending that the emotional turmoil he had going on lately had nothing to do with said brat. Or something else. Probably jerking o– meditating.

"I see how you focus on fighting instead of stupid details like names and numbers", Kanda's voice was dripping with venom and irony. He couldn't really control it, even despite not wanting to be this harsh. "No wonder you're always such a nuisance".

Allen lifted his eyebrows at Kanda's tone. It was nothing like his usual bitching and he suddenly had a bad feeling about the direction this conversation was going. He tried to make him snap, sure, but not like _that. _They were just supposed to shout for a while, maybe exchange a punch or two (while on the train, yes – sometimes sacrifices had to be made), but that was it. He probably should have left the swordsman be after all.

"These things aren't stupid, Kanda. If everyone acted the way you expect them to and didn't pay attention to those _details_, as you call them, our morale would be nonexistent ", he tried to reason, mainly because he didn't know what else he could do now besides defend his point.

"If everyone acted the way I expect them to, this war would probably be _over_ already and I wouldn't be forced to deal with obnoxious people like you anymore".

Allen didn't care if the swordsman didn't really mean it. Words like this never ceased to hurt him. It was as if the man really thought him as shit. He didn't want this conversation to turn like this. He really hoped it would just evolve into one of their usual squabbles, which he had grown to like long ago. Kanda seemed to enjoy them, too. So why? Why did he have to be so stubborn now? So adamant on hurting him? Allen was sure he started avoiding him over something stupid in the first place. He could bet it wasn't worth it.

"Well, I'm _sorry_ my existence is bothering you", he retorted loudly, concealing his hurt with anger. "You certainly would be better all on your own, wouldn't you?". Saying that was a mistake and the younger male knew it. Mainly because that was really how Kanda felt. He made sure Allen was aware of that at least a few times since they've met. And so he was. But he tended to ignore it, much preferring to delude himself that Kanda was just a little socially retarded and not completely a loner.

Kanda's temper flared. Damn right he should be left alone. Without some stupid Beansprouts constantly creeping into his mind and making him feel so much useless crap. And the worst thing of all was that it was already too late to cut himself off. The brat was just too important to him now. But, of course, that's not what made its way past Kanda's lips. Not at all.

"Of course I would, you fool. You think I need your help? Or maybe that I need your _friendship_?"

"Kanda...", Allen tried to interfere, but there was no chance for him to speak. Not that he knew what exactly he wanted to say. He just had to stop the man. He didn't want him to continue.

"I hope I'll get a chance to leave you behind and make you see that a battlefield is not a place where all you do is make _friends_."

Allen just stared at him at that. But not in the eye, he didn't have the courage to. It wasn't the first time Kanda was saying such a thing to him, of course not. But it has certainly been a while since he was so cruel. Allen didn't think he would hear that tone directed at him again. Not after he felt like they had gotten closer. And now... Now he even thought for a brief second that maybe Kanda really was as heartless as he wanted to appear after all. Allen could have been just deceiving himself all the time, seeing Kanda as a good person just because he wanted to. Or the swordsman really just hated him that much.

"I see. I... I have to go ", he didn't have it in him to make up and an excuse and just stood up, his face impassive. He needed to leave the compartment as soon as possible. For a short while at least. He had to calm down no to let his feelings show.

With the soft click of door closing, Kanda huffed angrily. 'What a brat'.

#$%

Allen hasn't shown up for the next two hours. All Kanda was able to do during that time was try and ignore the guilt that what welling up in him, stronger with each passing second.

Because it surely wasn't like he has said something wrong. He really thought he would be better left alone after all. Maybe not happier or something, Kanda grudgingly admitted to himself, but definitely better. More efficient.

That kind of thing was something that Allen should focus on, too. He'll eventually get hurt if he won't. Kanda couldn't understand what the younger exorcist was thinking. He risked his life for a Finder today. Again. Or, well, maybe not life, but definitely his health. Could he not understand that he may stop being able to fight Akuma effectively if he got injured all the time? And for the sake of a mere Finder.

Kanda grit his teeth.

Maybe his logic wasn't all that sound, but it was because of this kind of behaviour that he was sometimes tempted to leave Allen behind. There was a chance he would see how much more attention he should pay to his own well-being. Looking death in the eye sometimes did that to people. At the same time Kanda knew he could never do it. Simply because he cared, in his own way. Plus he wasn't all that sure it would really work. Allen would never place himself above others in that dysfunctional brain of his. No matter how much more significant than others he was.

As Kanda struggled not to admit to himself what his feelings for Allen should be labelled exactly, said young man was gradually calming down. He had been wandering aimlessly at first, but finally has ended up sitting at the dining car again.

It probably didn't have much sense to be mad at Kanda, nor to be hurt by his words – he reasoned to himself. The swordsman wasn't really good with communication. Or emotions, for that matter. That much wasn't a secret for Allen. And because it wasn't, he was actually starting to feel a bit foolish. He had thought pretty horrible things about Kanda back in the compartment, hadn't he? He has been acquainted swordsman long enough, he should have known better. It was obvious his words held no heavy meaning. Kanda's actions always spoke louder than his worda after all. And how many times has Kanda had his back for him?

Cutting off this train of thought, not to get his hopes up in weird matters again, Allen soon found himself going back to the compartment with a cup of tea in each hand. He hoped a simple thing like that could make the atmosphere more relaxed, even if only a bit. A forced little smile automatically plastering itself on his face, he slid the door open with his elbow.

"Hey", he said simply.

Kanda was just like he left him, – gaze turned to the window – but he jolted visibly when Allen spoke up, eyes slowly drifting to meet his. It was hard to read anything from that gaze, but Allen guessed a lack of obvious hate or disdain was a good sign.

"Tea", he said, unceremoniously shoving it in Kanda's hands. Things like 'do you want some?' never really worked with the crude man.

He then moved to sit down, tense atmosphere making him stubbornly look at his cup for a while. He then took a sip, not to look too awkward just staring at his tea like that, and risked a glance up.

Kanda was observing him. With his jaw clenched and brows furrowed, he looked to be considering something. But then just followed suit, bringing the drink to his mouth. His eyes minutely strayed to the side.

Allen was starting to feel quite pleased, guessing this serenity was better than what he was expecting, but then;

"Where... have you been?", Kanda asked stiffly, obviously not without hesitation. Seeing Allen's stunned expression, he regretted the words as soon as they left him, but it wasn't like he could take them back. Besides, he had to say _something_, the uneasiness was eating away at him.

'Was he worried?', Allen thought, truly amazed. His heart admittedly fluttered a little.

"I...", he was about to just tell the truth, but then stopped. 'I was wandering around and trying to remind myself that hurting people is just what you do' was probably not the best way to go about this topic. "I was just eating".

Kanda scoffed, visibly relaxing.

"Figures. Fucking glutton", he muttered, feeling relief washing over him. Everything was alright, he told himself. He shouldn't have paid that much thought to Allen's absence.

The train stopped then, passengers getting off. And even if there was something wrong, something unusual, the both men, being lost in their respective thoughts as they were, didn't have it in them to notice. It wasn't their stop yet – the next one was – so none saw a need to pay attention. After a short while – although it may have been longer than normal – the train got going again.

And just like that, everything seemed fine between them. No more words were exchanged though, they just drank the tea in peace.

But, as luck would have it, the peace was terribly short-lived. It lasted just about a few moments longer and then, just as Allen opened his mouth to ask something about their mission report, it was about to end brutally.

„Hey, shut up for a second", Kanda silenced Allen who was already mid-sentence by holding up a hand. His poise suggested he tried to hear something faint and distant, but, suddenly, it didn't matter anymore.

The door to their compartment loudly slid open, revealing a middle-aged woman, her face twisted in horror. Then it all happened in a flash. The woman's high-pitched shriek tore through the air, Allen's cursed eye spinning furiously, Mugen slicing the already transforming creature in half. Both exorcists were standing in a fighting stance now. Weapons drawn, senses sharp, stupid communication problems between them instantly forgotten.

"Kanda!", Allen shouted as they moved to the aisle, quickly making large group of level ones dissipate into thin air. "The whole train is full of Akuma! I doubt there are any civilians here, slice at everything you can see! I'll go check if someone's still controlling the train!". Kanda only gave him a nod at that, cursing when large bodies of the enemies started making gaping holes in the roof.

Allen broke into a run, swinging almost blindly at the Akuma that were blocking his path. Something was not right. There had to be a higher level somewhere. And what with the passengers? Or were there any in the first place? He couldn't focus on it now, but one thing he was sure of – everything was fine when they were boarding the train. Where have those Akuma came from, then? Did they all got in at the last station? Was it a trap? Allen was almost sure that it was, but even if they couldn't predict it or avoid it, his eye could have surely noticed sooner. If only he wasn't so focused on the stupid bastard and his shitty personality! He quickened his pace. It wasn't a time for thinking about this now. The machine operator could still be alive if the train was in the move. Allen hoped the severe damage the vehicle suffered won't make it stop just yet. It wouldn't be an easy task to move it off the tracks if it stopped – and collision with the next train to take their route was to be avoided at any cost . As he neared the dining car, the attacks lessened and eventually stopped, but he saw more than enough of Akuma's stupid tricks to be fooled like that. When he burst into the large section, the creatures were still disguised as humans eating in peace, only to break into panic right when they saw him. Their obvious plan to deliver a lethal strike in the chaos of faked running away failed because of his eye and swiftly sent Cross Grave. He didn't hesitate. Not even as some, in reality long since dead, little girl looked him right in the face, crying. His only focus was to save those souls, he couldn't afford thinking about anything else.

Driver's cab was already close, he could hear someone laughing through the hollow cries of the level ones. Slicing the last one, he immediately slid the door open. His jaw clenched when he saw what was happening inside. The operator, probably the only living person besides him and Kanda, was pale, gagged and sweating. With eyes full of terror, he tried to reach Allen's figure over his shoulder, without moving his head. Because he couldn't move, of course – the smiling creature standing next to him was threateningly resting its steal claw on his throat.

"Oooh, an exorcist!", the level two would probably clap its oddly shaped hands in joy if one of them wasn't occupied. "Let me guess, wanna save the fatty here?", he pointed at the man, laughing loudly. "I don't know if I should let you, you know."

"I'm not having a discussion with you, let him go!", Allen growled, ready to attack at any given second. He was warily observing the shaking man, too, praying for him no to do something stupid like people sometimes tended to when in a crisis situation like this.

"Oh no, you're so stiff. And you have no consideration for me, too! I have my orders!", the creature moved its free hand to place it over where a human would have a heart. Allen tried to calculate his options, but there was nothing he could do now. The creature had to make a move first.

"Don't worry, you won't live long enough to receive any punishment for not fulfilling them", he said evenly, but then the Akuma just jerked its hand, sending the man's head to the floor. And charged at the exorcist in the exact same second. Cheery laugh and a "We'll see about that!" rang in Allen's ears when a sudden, sharp pain in his stomach blinded him for a moment. The creature, not missing such an occasion, send him flying out of the demolished compartment, making him land in a pile of debris nearby. He landed hard enough that it left him momentarily out of breath, but he got up as quickly as he could. He had to go up, fighting in such a limited area was not good for a close-distance enemy like this.

With that in mind, he jumped on the roof of the still-racing train and moved away from the level two following him, all the while carefully avoiding gaps through which he could fall right back inside. The Akuma charged again, but he blocked the attack with ease, swinging the Edge End swiftly and missing just a hair breadth. Without the element of surprise, the enemy wasn't able to reach him even once and he finished it off in barely a few minutes.

Hearing sounds of battle not far away behind his back, he turned around. Only to see Kanda who was about to finish off the remaining level ones, his loose hair flying everywhere when he moved in all his furious glory. Allen smiled minutely and was already going to join in and help him, when the train suddenly lost its fluent movement, rattling threateningly. And Allen only had enough time to curse himself for being stupid enough to forget the operator was dead before the train just derailed. It rolled down a small slope with an indescribable noise, – making Allen fall helplessly back inside through one of the gaping holes – and then onto the forest. Weaker trees broke from the impact, but the rest managed to stop the wreck, making it lose momentum completely. When everything stilled, Allen immediately – and clumsily, his whole body in pain – moved on his hands and knees to climb out of the train. It was on its side now, wheels rammed into the trees.

"Kanda!", he called loudly, getting up with a major difficulty and forced himself to run along the wreck to where his companion should be, heart beating in his throat.

He almost cried in relief when he found him. He was having a coughing fit, back resting on what was left from the vehicle.

"Shut up, I'm fine", the man said, trying to appear like he had everything under control, but the blood sliding down his cheek kind of ruined everything in that matter.

"Sure. And you don't have a hole in your head, too", Allen bit back, but something wasn't right. Why were Kanda's eyes suddenly so wide and frightened? And why was the world spinning? He didn't feel his legs, too. But he felt his stomach, it hurt like hell. Next thing he saw was Kanda's face against a background of a cloudless sky, his long, black hair tickling his cheeks.

"Fucking idiot!", Kanda said, and then there was nothing.

#$%

'You've got to be fucking kidding me', Kanda growled internally.

Allen's heart was definitely beating. He was breathing, too, though raggedly. But he didn't. Fucking. _Move_. Thanks to the hole in his fucking stomach that was still bleeding. And they were in a God damned forest. Three hours – by foot – away from the nearest station where he could at least call for help. And, sure, said nearest station was _their_ station, but it didn't change the hopeless situation much.

"Move, idiot!", Kanda slapped his unconscious companion on the face without hesitation. Not really as lightly as it was supposed to be done.

"Fuck you, too!", he snarled at the complete lack of response.

They couldn't just stay like this. Kanda had to do _something_. Never in his life had he thought he would regret not paying attention to first aid as much as he did now. But it wasn't like he could predict he would ever need it, right? Not for himself at least, that's for sure. And as for others, well. Firstly, he didn't bother. And secondly, situations when there was no option of calling for help weren't really that frequent. Another reason was that the only time he did try to learn something about that, he just.. sucked at it. Hard. So there. No first aid. And, that already said...

He really had no choice, had he?

Not believing what he was doing, he squatted over Allen's hips, his front facing the legs. With all his might trying not to think about how stupid he surely looked, he reached with his hands to Allen's arms. Then pulled at them in such a way that the brat's chest rested on his back, white-haired head lolling uselessly over his shoulder.

"Fuck", he cursed once more and carefully stood up, all the while remaining bent down not to let the body slide back to the ground. Quite sure of his balance, he risked letting go of Allen's arms and moved them to his knees. A small, relieved breath escaped him when nothing bad happened and he tentatively straightened his back. Not all the way though, Allen couldn't really hold his neck now after all.

He could tell himself that Allen needed a life lesson all he wanted, but he wasn't able to just leave him now. All he could think about was, in fact, getting the brat under professional care as soon as possible. He needed to help him and the feeling was strong enough that, even though he was barely walking himself, he had to resist the urge to start running. And he only managed to do that because he knew that no one, not even someone like him, had enough stamina to run over fifteen kilometres straight.

But even then, his skin still prickled at the idea that someone could call him on what he was doing just now. Risking his life for Allen that is. He could rise from dead, sure. But _still_. Ha had a pretty nasty wound at his side and a few minor ones, too. He rarely helped anyone, and even when he did, it was usually connected to the goal of his mission somehow. But this _brat_... No matter what he said earlier, in reality he couldn't even fathom the idea of leaving him behind. Just couldn't. Of course it didn't mean he was going to let Allen know what really happened. There was no way. 'Especially not after what I said in the train', he though, ignoring the pang of guilt he felt at that. He had to make something up. A miracle someone in a miracle carriage, miraculously driving by and giving them a ride maybe. Or maybe something else.

Kanda was surprised to discover things like that didn't really matter after two hours of walking. He walked, and walked, and walked and the panic running through his veins haven't lessened at all. His breath was getting increasingly heavier, but he didn't care about that. How could he care if Allen's forehead he partially felt against his neck was burning hot now? If the puffs of air he felt on his skin were becoming more and more uneven? But his own head was starting to spin, too.

Driven by the thought of how short the remaining distance was compared to what he had walked already, he quickened his pace. There would be literally _nothing_ worse than passing out before making it to the station.

He was sincerely grateful for his habit of looking out the window and remembering the way the train was taking. Thanks to that he now knew his surroundings well and he was sure he had done right when he strayed deep into the forest. It ought to be a shortcut. And it was, sure. There was a problem though. Kanda was already in a state when he didn't really have it in himself to pay attention to anything but Allen and his own arms, numb from not moving an inch in such a long time. He didn't want to risk repositioning the Bean on his back, because he didn't trust himself to keep going if he disturbed the weak balance he had now. And because of all that, – while walking through that big, overflowing with flora and fauna, forest – Kanda did something he was probably never going to forgive himself doing. He got his leg caught in a fucking bear trap. Which probably wasn't really a bear trap, since there weren't any bears in England, but the concept was there and it hurt like _hell _nonetheless. Kanda clenched his jaw not to groan in pain, falling to his knees.

'Fuck! Fuck!', he cursed internally, digging his shaking fingers into Allen's legs, no doubt leaving bruises there. He didn't want to let him go, really didn't. But he had to free his leg. There was no other option.

So he moved his hands away, all the while remaining bent down in hopes that he could make it without Allen landing on the ground. His arms felt weak and useless, skin unpleasantly tingling because of the numbness. In such a position, with that extra weight on his back, he couldn't really look behind, so he had to do it completely blind. But he could make it. Of course he could. It was nothing compared to what he sometimes managed to pull off during battles and such. He just had to focus.

With that in mind, he reached to his leg with both hands, hoping it doesn't look as bad as it hurts. Not that it really mattered, he had to keep walking whatever happened. He almost laughed at the thought. It kind of sounded like that nonsense Allen always spluttered. His fingers clutched at two sides of the trap, trying to pull it apart. At the first try it only served to make the spikes dig deeper into his flesh and he had to bite his lip bloody to prevent himself from crying out loud. Second try was more successful, but when the metal vice was halfway open, he almost let his fingers slip once again. He was holding his breath now, covered in sweat, eyes clenched shut. But then, one last pull and a quick jerk of his injured led that hurt enough to make lesser men faint and he was free. He moved a little forward on his knees, away from the trap and placed his hands on the ground in front of him, panting. 'Get _up_', he thought, trying to catch his breath. It took a pained whine from Allen to make his body move.

The rest was blurry and hazy. His mind registered later events in nothing but a few bright flashes. He knew he somehow managed to walk. Then he remembered the station, people watching him in horror. The two of them were probably a pretty grotesque sight – one almost-dead person carrying another. His goal was the telephone, but his legs finally gave out on him on the way. So he wasn't entirely sure how he managed, but the last thing he remembered was growling at Komui through the line. "The Bean is bleeding."

#$%

a/n: I think I still don't like it. There is too much feeling descriptions. Sometimes I felt like I had to add them to justify the character's actions. Especially in their way back to the Order before the train derailed.

What do you guys think?

/

Thank you all for your comments :D

Silver-Snow-77: Thank you! :D I hoped it would be at least a little bit funny. And oh, I love these morons so much! I hope I'll be able to make you enjoy the story until the end.

Alguien22792: You need more, there is more :D

uniquemangalover: Thank you :)

ZDrive: You suggesting being a bottom is emasculating? Well, I certainly hope not, because this is bullshit. I know how yaoi mangas look like, but it'll be nothing like that here. I don't intend to make any of them cry or act like a living sex-toy/slave without a brain or something. Besides, please don't use the terms 'seme' and 'uke'. I really don't like them because – as you yourself said – I think our retards should take turns and generally do as they please when in bed. Without being labelled those stupid, limited roles. And, before you mention Kanda uncharacteristically blushing in the previous chapter or something, I want to point out that he grew up in a laboratory and, the way I see it, has got all the rights in the world to be awkward about sex and such (which _doesn't_ mean he's all that passive or shy or anything).


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: The new chapter is a bit sooner this time :D. I'm not sure if it's good enough, but I definitely like it more than the previous one. Enjoy!

#$%

Kanda had no idea how that one sentence he uttered through the phone was enough for Komui to find them, but maybe the station was just his first guess. He supposed he'll never really know, because he sure as hell wasn't going to ask. In fact, he'd much prefer to never talk about that whole incident. With anyone. _At all_. Because yes, Kanda was embarrassed. Or rather – mad and internally drowning in shame.

It really wasn't like him to worry over someone. And while he could (kind of) accept Allen being an important person to him, he wasn't entirely sure caring so much was even healthy. The thought of how he first woke up still bothered him to no end. He could still taste his panic, his fear for Allen's life. And then – an immense relief when he noticed that the Bean was right there, in a bed few feet away from his. And alive, no less. After that, Kanda went right back to sleep. Almost as if that violent, emotional reaction has drained all the energy he has managed to restore up until then.

Second time he opened his eyes, probably few hours later, the Head Nurse was in the room. She obviously came to check on Allen and was fiddling with some medical equipment the swordsman wasn't even able to name. But whatever she was doing didn't seem urgent and that fact alone told him that the Beansprout would be fine. So he wasn't going to ask about his state, there wasn't a need to.

However, when the elder woman has finally noticed her other patient was awake, she sent him a look that made him feel busted – as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. And he didn't say _anything_! Why in hell would she look at him like he has just done the most fucking heart-warming thing ever? He was just... watching.

"Is something the matter, Mr. Kanda?", she asked and said male felt his eye twitch.

"Che. No", he clicked his tongue, turning in bed to face the wall and not her.

"Is that so?", he heard a question tinted with bemusement and immediately hoped she would take her leave in a matter of few minutes and just let him be. He couldn't have been more wrong. "Lie on your back, please", she demanded loudly and, not bothering to wait for his reaction (most likely knowing it would have never came), manhandled him as she pleased. Then tore the blankets away, immediately reaching to his calf. She clearly intended to rewrap his ridiculous fuck up of a wound. _Great_.

„How are you feeling?", the inevitable question came after a while. The woman has already put the blood-soaked bandages aside and was preparing to cleanse the wound.

As she started the delicate process, Kanda, jaw steeled not to hiss in pain, responded through his clenched teeth. "Never been better."

The Nurse just smirked at that, seemingly satisfied, not making any indication if she noticed the obvious irony or not. Reaching to her uniform's pocket, she simply pulled out a new bandage roll. Working with it in silence for a few more moments, she threw the covers back over him as soon as she was done. What came next was a conversation Kanda would rather forget.

The Head Nurse never asked questions. She was the kind of woman that just did her job and did it good. Kanda admittedly liked that in her – she gave off an aura of the same kind of dutifulness that he himself sported. That's why he simply _couldn't_ understand why in hell would she choose this particular time to change her usual behaviour.

She asked him what has happened to his leg exactly. And no, this fact in itself wasn't what aggravated Kanda the most; it was the way she was looking at him.

He, not even considering telling the truth, quickly made up something about a level two with metal teeth – a story that sounded pretty legit in his ears, but his efforts were fruitless. It was obvious she didn't believe a single word he said, even before he finished speaking. Because she knew perfectly well what kind of wound was that. Of course she did, she was a fucking _nurse_. And, sure, the bear trap thing alone was already embarrassing enough, but still not as much as the rest of the details. Fortunately, it wasn't like she could read the whole story from his blood or something, right? But, well, she _did_ know a thing or two. Like for example how he _heroically_, not caring about his own wound, carried Allen on his back – courtesy of the moron witnesses that saw them both back at the station. There was a probability that he unintentionally gave her some hints himself, too. And _that_ were things she could freely interpret.

When she left the room with a smile and a reassuring "Mr. Walker will be fine", Kanda wanted to start throwing things at her. Instead he just muttered "It's fucking fantastic" under his breath and, again, turned around in his bed, facing the evil woman with his back.

Later it only got worse. Lenalee, for some reason apparently feeling horribly guilty, came to check on Allen. She was on a verge of crying really, but that's just what she does. Cry. Kanda tolerated or maybe even remotely liked her, but she was definitely way too emotional. Once she got a hold of herself, she noticed that the swordsman wasn't asleep (as he tried to appear, it was one of his favourite tactics to avoid a conversation) and apparently felt a sudden need for a small talk. And what was the most obvious topic for a chit-chat with someone in a fucking hospital wing? The damned injury! Not having two ways around it, Kanda repeated his ridiculous little story. Only to find that she must have talked with the Head Nurse, and not only about Allen's condition, because her reaction was really similar to that of the older woman. Except far worse. That _glint _in her eyes was as good as saying "Of course, Kanda. I'm sure that's exactly how it was, Kanda". The fact that he added a few insults directed at the Beansprout seemed to only make it worse. Kanda wanted to die.

#$%

It's been almost a whole day since then. Allen had yet to wake up, but even in Kanda's eyes, untrained in such matters, he appeared much healthier already. He stopped sweating and his face looked better – meaning his normal pale, not pale like the dead.

As for Kanda himself, he felt quite fine. Physically. And that, surprisingly enough, _wasn't_ a plus. He honestly never thought such a day in his life would come, but he kind of, uh, didn't want to leave the hospital wing just yet. It sounded like a heresy and a mere thought of it made his skin prickle, but it was true nonetheless.

He'll just wait until the Bean wakes up. Yes, it was a good plan. He'll make sure that everything was fine and then get away as quickly as possible; before someone would notice that he is still in bed despite physically having no reason to. He would have never heard the end of it.

#$%

Luckily for Kanda, it didn't take long for Allen to start stirring in his bed. From when the swordsman made his decision, it couldn't have been more than half a day. And while this wasn't long at all, it was unfortunately enough time for him to heal completely. According to his plan, as soon as he saw the Bean was slowly waking up, he should have been up and back to his own room in no time, but... As he observed Allen trying to roll onto his side and failing because of the pain he surely felt, what he thought wasn't 'Good, he's fine enough, better go before he opens his eyes and sees me', but more like ' 'Well, he doesn't seem like the most irritating human being on the planet right now' and 'Oh fuck, are those groans necessary?'.

And it didn't matter that, after a bit more squirming, Allen fell into a light doze for the next twenty minutes. It didn't matter that in that much time Kanda could have gone to his room _twice_. His ingenious plan failed anyway.

#$%

Allen was floating somewhere between consciousness and sleep for a while now. His head felt heavy and it was like his body wanted to rest more. But _he_ didn't. He was already groggy like he had slept a year or something, there wasn't a need to add up to that. Besides, something was telling him that he just _had to_ wake up – a worry was blooming in his chest. For what, he wasn't sure.

He struggled to open his eyes. There wasn't a part in his body that didn't feel painful or uncomfortable, but somehow the sudden onslaught of light bothered him much more than that. He blinked a few times, trying to get used to the brightness. Once he managed, view of hospital wing greeted him; he would never fail to recognize that ceiling.

Silver eyes then fell back closed for just a bit more and It took a few moments for everything to register.

The last thing he remembered... he was on a mission, wasn't he? Ah, yes. The boring mission. And then? Oh, of course, the... trap. Or whatever it was on the train. Kanda was with him, too, right? That would mean...

Allen took an effort to turn his heavy head to the side and was indeed rewarded with a sight of one grumpy swordsman. He smiled at the view, feeling all the anxiousness he initially felt quickly dissipate. The man seemed perfectly fine. His eyes were closed and he was sitting, a fluffy cushion tucked behind his back. He looked quite peaceful – meaning not scowling for a change.

"Hey, Kanda, you awake?", he asked quietly, not giving himself time to ponder if he really wanted to interrupt the man. Kanda was gorgeous like that – his expression relaxed; head tipped slightly to the side, exposing the enticing, creamy neck... Allen should have thought twice if denying himself a chance to droll over him without getting busted was truly what he wanted to do. But, well, he kind of wanted to hear his voice, too. And Kanda was _always_ breathtakingly beautiful anyway.

Contrary to what his lack of reaction would suggest, the whispered words sounded awfully clear in Kanda's ears. He wasn't really sleeping – just closed his eyes a few seconds ago and tried to feign it, not wanting to hear any questions from Allen. Much less to answer them.

"Hey, JerKanda!", Allen repeated, this time a little louder – despite his voice still being weak – and Kanda almost felt his vein pop at the insult. Fuck the questions, it's not like he couldn't just ignore them.

"What!", he snapped at his serenely smiling companion with a snarl.

"I knew you weren't sleeping", he stated triumphantly, happy sparks dancing in his eyes. He said it mainly because it was probably wiser than a 'you sound as sexy as ever' or something along the lines, but it wasn't really untrue. Judging by the wall clock he has just checked, it was barely half past six, meaning not really a night-time yet and he didn't know Kanda for napping.

"Great fucking job, detective", the swordsman scoffed, thinking of how Beansprout's content expression wasn't causing a warm feeling to spread in his chest.

"Why, thank you", he answered, not letting the crude man ruin his mood. "How long we're here?"

"Hell would I know", Kanda muttered. But then, after a short while; "Two days or something."

"Oh, not as long, as I though. That's nice". Allen then let his head sink back into the cushions comfortably – no longer straining his neck to see Kanda – and just stared at the ceiling, giving an air of someone utterly relaxed.

Kanda took it as an opening to shamelessly stare at him. The brat always seemed so happy when they were alone like this; not fighting or completing the mission, but just resting in peace. It was one of the swordsman's reasons for always leaving the hospital wing as soon as possible – he just didn't know how he should deal with it. Especially considering that he, too, kind of liked it this way. Probably more than it was appropriate, since it always had to start with a bodily harm for both of them to even be in this place.

"Has Komui been here to collect the report?"

"Not yet."

Allen sighed at that, falling silent. Of course he hasn't. There was no use with one of them unconscious. They both had to be able to tell their respective parts of the story. Especially since they split and then didn't have time to fill each other in on the events.

With that in mind, Allen spoke up, the smile long since gone from his face."The operator was alive".

Kanda didn't answer that, but grunted quietly to let him know that he was listening.

"When I got to the cabin, a level two had a blade against his throat. It killed him just for the element of surprise", Allen's voice was quiet, but, other than that, remained even.

Kanda clenched his teeth, understanding that's probably when the brat got wounded. And while it was all that mattered to him when it came to this incident, he was perfectly aware that every single death was really hard on his companion. He despised him for this weakness once, but now... was it possible, he would gladly take all the blames himself; just to lift them off of Allen's shoulders. As it was, he could only offer a simple "You can't save everyone". It seemed to be enough though.

"Yeah, I guess so", the Bean smiled sadly, looking at the long haired man out of the corner of his eye. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a while and then; "What about the trap?", he asked distractedly.

Kanda tensed momentarily. Allen has been unconscious, he couldn't have possibly known... right? "What?", he asked blankly. Just to make sure if he was fucked or _utterly_ fucked. Thankfully, he was none.

"You know, such a hoard couldn't have been in the train by accident. It had to be a trap, right? The Noah have never really done this before, setting an attack up like that, but it's possible they'll do it again. We should warn Komui. It was pure luck that Lenalee got us this mission. It would have normally been done by one person or a fresh recruit even. This could have ended far worse", he mused, more to himself then anything and with each word he said, Kanda felt relief washing over him. So he didn't know after all. _Good_.

As silence enveloped them once more, the swordsman had this nagging feeling something was not right. Replaying Allen's words in his mind, he felt a surge of suspicion. And then he got it.

"_Lenalee got us the mission_?", he gritted through his teeth. The way the other male got all white on the face in the next second only annoyed him further.

Cursing his own carelessness, Allen was hastily trying to make up some kind of explanation. "I...uh, you know." And was failing completely.

"No, I _don't_. You what? You _asked _her to?"

As unthinkable as it was for Allen to do such a thing, it unfortunately wasn't _that_ far from the truth.

"No. No! I didn't!", he subconsciously tried to sit up for better emphasis, but ended up just clutching at his stomach with a painful hiss. His wound wasn't going to allow him a change of position just yet.

A minute concern crossed Kanda's features, but Allen didn't look up in time to catch it. When he did, anger was the only thing he was met with.

"We were just talking and... look, she didn't tell me she was going to do something like this! I've just caught on with a debriefing already in my hand!", he tried, but, for Kanda, it was nowhere near enough.

"You were talking about _what_?", he snarled. If that fucking Bean and that damned woman were somehow playing with him, he would _decapitate_ them.

"Nothing!", Allen assured heatedly, his eyes going wide.

"_Beansprout_...", Kanda growled, ready to tear off the blankets and stand up any second if the situation called for it. The younger male must have noticed it in the way all Kanda's muscles tensed up because, although reluctantly, he started to talk.

"Well...", he began, making a thin, dark eyebrow impatiently twitch in irritation. Carefully picking out the words he should use and making triple sure 'crush' wasn't amongst them, Allen explained. "She came to sit with me during the dinner and wanted to know why you were avoiding me", he said, trying to read what Kanda was thinking from his suddenly impassive face."I told her I didn't know and she's just seemed... concerned. So she, uh, was probably trying to help." Quite content with what he said, the younger male tried smiling sheepishly for the best effect. And he wasn't _lying_, okay? Those were almost-truths!

Normally, Kanda would have probably eyed him carefully. Kanda would have probably openly doubted him and his fake smile. But he didn't. For one simple reason – there was _absolutely no way_ he was going to talk, or discuss, or do _anything_ about any topic that concerned him, Allen and _feelings_ or weird behaviours. No. Fucking. Way. Just _no_.

"You should have told her to fuck off", he mumbled simply and, feeling an embarrassment bubble inside him, busied himself with repositioning his cushion. Once he finished, he moved to lie down, purposefully facing Allen with his back.

With each passing second, each word, and each move, Allen's expression was getting more and more stunned. Should he... be glad or something? That Kanda didn't resort to violence to beat the truth out of him? Because he wasn't. Not at all.

Even during his early years, Allen has witnessed many wonders of this world, but... has Kanda just _backed down_?

"That's it?", he asked, eyebrows high. His voice was tinted with such an astonishment that Kanda felt a sudden urge to curl into a ball.

"Yes", he answered as firmly as he could muster.

In that moment, Allen did something unusual. He let all of his self-preservation instincts subside, focusing only on the heavy dose of what-the-fuck that was now messing with his brain.

"You can't be serious. Since when are you so easy to lie to?", he gasped, wanting nothing more than for his wound to disappear. If it did, he would already be at Kanda's side by now, forcing him to face him.

"I don't _believe_ you, you clown. I've just lost interest", Kanda growled, feeling something die within him. For as much as he hated liars, he sure was becoming one of them lately.

"O-oh", Allen stuttered, not sure of what to make of Kanda's behaviour."O-okay, so...", he started, but then shut up abruptly, realizing he didn't really know what he was planning to say. He was too busy with gaping at the back of Kanda's head to properly collect his thoughts. But then something hit him. "You're going to be avoiding me again now, aren't you?", he asked.

"I was neveravoiding you to begin with, Beansprout. Shut up", Kanda snapped, but not with as much bite as he would have liked.

"Oh yes you _were_. And now you're trying to backtrack from a conversation only because I _mentioned_ it!", as he spoke, voice rising, he grew increasingly confident that what he was saying was true. He was angry, too. Kanda was definitely _not _going to do this to him again, he won't allow it.

The swordsman tensed at Allen's words. He didn't pay much mind to his actions, but... the brat was right, wasn't he? Feeling suddenly angry with himself for his own cowardice, Kanda sat back up, shooting the Bean an undeserved glare.

"Listen, Beansprout. I don't fucking know where were you the last couple years to not notice, but I _don't like you_. Call it 'avoiding' if you please, but I just don't want your damn company when it's not absolutely necessary". The swordsman's words were harsh, but at the same time so terribly untrue that there was no way for Allen to believe them. Not with the way Kanda didn't really look him in the eye; or with the grimace on his face, looking as if the only person he hoped to convince was himself.

"Kanda...", Allen started, his voice soft. He was careful not to show any signs of amusement, but couldn't help a tiny smile tugging at his lip. Hearing his name, the swordsman shot him a glare again. And this one was even fiercer, as if daring Allen to say anything that Kanda wouldn't like.

Allen sighed. He had a feeling that whatever it was that Kanda was hiding from him, wouldn't remain a secret for long. But it would come in its own time, it was wiser not to push the man now – he seemed to be pretty edgy and Allen was already injured enough. In the meantime, he'll be hoping that maybe, just maybe, that secret could be something that would change their relations for the better.

"I don't like you, too", Allen said with a playful smirk; his tone and the subtle grammar mistake altering the meaning completely.

Kanda's dumbfounded expression wasn't something he was going to easily forget.

#$%

a/n: If you noticed some flaw in logic or a lack of my knowledge at some point, please let me know. I really don't like these kinds of mistakes and would like to avoid them as much as possible.

Did you enjoy the chapter?

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Thank you for your comments!

alguien22792: He's such a poor thing, can't deal with his feelings at all xD .

Cat: Is it soon enough :D ?

candykitty: Thanks! I'm so glad you like it :D .


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